Random Thoughts 3: The Decisions that We Sometimes have to Make:

Hi it’s me again. I hope you like this one. It’s from my heart.

For Twinkle, the tiny cat that gave me a 16 year friendship that I will never forget.

As a human being, I have loved all living things from ever since I can remember. My favourite channel on TV was always animal planet. Animals fascinated me in a way that made me want to be an expert about all of them and learn to appreciate them with all their individuality and uniqueness and beauty (I am still like this).

I have owned loads of pets, the range varies from my very first set of goldfish, then escalates to having hamsters, bunnies, reptiles, birds you name it. I had them all, and I loved them all, loved learning how to take care of them with all their different requirements. 

BUT, the one pet that stood out from them all was a cat.

When I was nine years old  (my brother was 7 at the time) my mum gave my brother and I a tiny fuzzy ginger fluffball. She named her Twinkle. My brother and I never stopped loving her since.

I will never forget the look on our faces when we first saw her. Pure joy and love. We argued so much between us because both of us wanted to hold her and cuddle her, we were just kids at the time. As time went by Twinkle grew, and so did we.

16 years have now passed and I can see it all so clear. The beauty of bonding with a creature whose language you cannot speak.

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They learn to understand you, and you learn to understand them. It’s very hard to put it into words but I swear that Twinkle knew when we needed her.

She taught me the importance of being responsible for someone other than myself, I had to feed her, clean for her, take her for check ups, paying any vet bills…I did it all so effortlessly. She taught me the beauty of companionship and love. I loved her so much. She brought me closer to my younger brother. The hours we spent playing with her and laughing as kids. How we used to see her as our baby. The innocent one. The one that unconditional love must always be shown to.

She knew when one of us would be sick, she would never leave our side. Her purring always gave us comfort. She always hung around us, if we are watching a movie, she would sit on one of us, if we are eating would come to eat with us, she would even walk into the bathroom behind us! She had such a good nature, never once did she scratch us or bite us. Never. She knew many things even though she was a cat.

She knew that she got sick too. I’m sure of it.

At the age of 15 she got cancer. I still remember how the vet looked at me in my eyes and told me that this is really serious and it must be removed now. I was petrified that my 15 year old cat wouldn’t wake up from the procedure but being the resilient animal that she was, she made it. It was a horrible experience for her and all of us at home. Seeing her trying to recover.

She recovered from the surgery, I went back to the vet as agreed so she can evaluate her recovery. She was strong for an old gal. The vet was happy with the result but warned me, she warned me that there is a huge chance that this cancer is going to return and it will be the end of her within a year.

The vet was right. Yesterday Sunday 29th October 2017 was the day that I had to say goodbye to my best friend. My companion of 16 years. I had to make the decision to put her down because due to her age and condition she was suffering too much and there is no cure for what she had, I was observing her for the past 3 days because I knew something was up,then yesterday morning when I woke up I saw her back legs so inflamed she was walking with a limp, the cancer was too strong. My heart sank, it literally sank. I had no other choice. I can’t help but feel pain in my heart knowing that I will never be able to kiss her one more time.

The decisions that we sometimes have to make.

I’m still gutted and broken hearted.

I know I’m not special and that people go through this procedure every day with their pets too but I wanted to share my experience with the world.

I want someone who is going through the same thing to understand that we make these sucky and shitty decisions out of love for our pets.

It is the most difficult thing to do, to choose whether your pet lives or dies, I mean who am I to choose that? But who am I to allow my pet to suffer out of fear of missing them? Do you see what I mean? It is a hard decision to make, especially for someone who feels as deeply as I do. I just hope that wherever Twinkle is, she is not in pain and maybe relaxing in the sun as she liked to do here at home, on the couch.

Home is not the same without her. Today is the first day I have woken up to a  cat-less house. My morning routine has shifted from 5 mins of cuddling with Twink in bed and then giving her fresh water and then her walking in the bathroom behind me and jumping on the sink to stroke against me while I do my makeup to me just waking up, washing my face, getting dressed for work and leaving. There is too much of a void. This tiny animal has left home too quiet. Where is the meowing? 😦 even though I knew the day of me saying goodbye to her would come, I was never truly prepared. How could I be?

To all pet owners, don’t beat yourself up for putting your pets down like I’m doing. What we do is always the best for them even though it sometimes doesn’t seem so. I hope that by time my heart will heal, even so if it does, it is full of tiny permanent paw prints that my cat left all over it ❤

I will never forget her, my first true companion. My Twink.

Thank you for reading.

Peace, Kim

Xxxxx

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